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my blog (pretty self-explanatory..) TRIGGER WARNING. a LOT of sensitive topics and / or images. this is mostly for me LOLLL so ummm if you ever find this blog than wtf?? lol how are u here
to you, my beloved
oct 06 26i know i complain a lot, i know i'm selfish, i know i'm annoying. but is it really possible for me not to be when i'm only just surviving? i used to think i was living when i was with him. but i was only learning to lure and confuse myself. i love a live a little whenever it's iin your eyes that i look, but if there's one thing i learned, it's that i should never live through the eyes f another. even if i know better, can you really blame me for grabbing onto the one thing that keeps me in this reality? for the little time i have set ahead for myself, i don't think it's all that bad. plus, it's your fault for showing me you care. as much as i tried, i can only do so much by myself. life goes on for the others, and, unlike me, they need not another to keep them anchored. i do think the worst part in all this is that i really do want to feel better. and i did try for a long time, but i don't think it very plausible anymore. i'm tired of having people worry for me. there's only one person i'd like to worry for me. i feel horrible for taking away their valuable time. people say it's selfish of me to want to die. i don't think it is tough, as i have nothing left. well, not really. i had everything taken from me; my childhood, my joy, my body and my mind, and was left with anger and resentment. can you really consider a proper human when none of their positive or negative traits even exist anymore? i guess not. all i'm good for is to give myself to the undeserving, the selfish and the perverted. might as well finish by giving, i won't be selfish anymore.
fake happiness is still happiness
oct 05 26i have to admit, i do like being unhappy. can you blame me?? it's so comforting. i've been miserable for son long that i can't even imagine being happy, it makes me terribly uncomfortable.
recently, i've found myself very alone. not that lonely, mostly alone. though, i do have to admit, i might be pretty lonely. i seek the taste of "love" again, just not the right one. i miss the way all of them would treat me, i miss when they'd touch me and tell me that it's all okay. pretty crazy to think of, isn't it?? usually, you'd assume somebody that's been abused, or at least, used would want to get the furthest away from their abuser. i digress, i think they're the lovliest people i've ever met. they make me feel like shit, but it feels good that way. they'd control what i'd do, but now, i'm pretty much left to fend for myself. isn't that unfair ?
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